Death is a heavy topic, and for many people the fear of death is often so threatening or overwhelming that individuals avoid thinking or talking about it all together. This sometimes results in the outright denial of one’s mortality, making it that much more difficult to face death when it is time, whether of oneself or a loved one. Existential Therapists believe that death, and more importantly confronting it, can enrich one’s life and allow an individual to reach their full potential while living.

Conversations about death may come up in the therapy room because a client has experienced or is anticipating a death in their life, or because the client would like to explore the more existential components of living. While Existential Therapists may hold that talking about death is important whether it’s an area of current focus for a client or not, we encourage you to decide if and when these conversations would be helpful in your therapy journey.

If you do want to open this conversation with you therapist, you may wonder: “How can a therapist incorporate talk about death?” Some therapists begin by asking clients to write their own obituary, or by guiding them through a visual exercise where they imagine their death and funeral. Some existential philosophers suggested that the best was to discuss death is directly by inviting it into the conversation. This may look like asking the client about their experiencing with death, if they think about it, and what their thoughts are. In fact, discussing death in a calm manner just as one would discuss any other matter in therapy can ease death anxiety and shed light on what is truly so terrifying about dying.

“Discussing death in a calm manner just as one would discuss any other matter in therapy can ease death anxiety and shed light on what is truly so terrifying about dying.”

In therapy there is a power imbalance that can exist between the client and the therapist - one can be framed as the expert, and the other the student. Or one as the professional, and the other the service user. Existential therapy aims to level this imbalance in power by viewing the client and therapist as fellow travelers. This perspective moves away from the “them vs us” perspective and towards that of “we” in that the therapist and client share a common humanity. In this way, the therapist is not a black screen to project onto nor are they a vessel of wisdom and secrets; they are and active part of a dialogue with the client in which they may share their own struggles with existence. This is not to say that the therapist should disclose all their troubles however the expression of their “humanness” may comfort the client in realizing that they are not alone in feeling overwhelm.

The fundamental focus of Existential Therapy is to guide individuals towards the acceptance of the most terrifying aspects of life, especially death. The thought is that dwelling on these concerns consumes the individual and creates a barrier to realizing one’s true self. Through acceptance, one may begin to fully embrace life and, in the end, leave this earth with a sense of peace knowing that the life they chose was meaningful.

If this article resonates for you, and you or someone you know is looking for support to explore ideas of death or other existential thoughts, please contact our intake and administration team to set up a free consultation with one or more of our clinicians. A number of our clinicians can support you through this with empathy and understanding.

Why Talking About Death in Therapy is Important