Thinking About Cancelling Your Session? Some Things To Consider First
First published July 2021
If you’ve been seeing a therapist for a while now, you’ve probably encountered the following dilemma:
I have an appointment coming up, but I have nothing to talk about. Nothing is going wrong. I don’t have any problems I need to solve. I don’t know what I’m going to talk about for a whole hour!
During periods of stability and calm, it can be tempting to skip your regularly scheduled appointment with your therapist. There are many important and valid reasons why you may choose to take a break from therapy - a busy schedule, travelling, financial constraints, or even just some time to yourself to digest what you’ve learned in therapy before returning. You know you best, and if taking a break makes sense - take a break! However, there’s some things to consider before cancelling that appointment next week.
Your mental health is like a house. When the weather is warm and sunny, it’s easy to ignore those little leaks in the roof. However, when a big storm finally rolls in and there’s water pouring through the ceiling, it’s too late to start patching up those leaks. When the sun comes back out, you have the choice to repair the leaks or ignore them again, knowing that they’ll just get bigger the next time there’s a storm. You’ll probably also need some help mopping up all the water on the floor. That’s where therapy comes in.
Just like a house, it’s easier to work on your mental health through periods of calm as opposed to periods of chaos. Here are some common reasons why you may be tempted to cancel therapy this week and how to work through them:
1) I’m exhausted this week. Your therapist gets this. In fact, we’ve all been there. After a long week, mustering up the energy to go to therapy can seem like an uphill battle. After all, therapy is hard work and can sometimes be tiresome. If you’re in this position, let your therapist know during your session. Tell them how you’re feeling and together you’ll come up with a plan about how to make this session work for you. This could range from doing some relaxing mindfulness exercises together to choosing to end the session earlier than usual.
2) I’m not feeling connected to my therapist. Like any relationship in life, you’re going to connect more with some folks than others - and that’s okay! If you’re feeling disconnected to your therapist, feel free to let our administrative team know you’re looking to switch therapists. No one will take anything personally! Our first priority is your well-being and comfort.
3) I’m not sure if therapy is helping. Change can be a slow process. Folks often come to therapy believing that everything will be “better” after a few sessions. The hard truth is that we come to therapy with years of experiences that have made almost indelible impressions on our brains, and it takes a lot of work - both in session and out - to begin to ‘rewire’ our brains to experience life differently. Keep your appointment, and feel free to bring this concern up to your therapist. As a therapist myself, I always appreciate this conversation with my clients as it provides a space for us to revisit goals and how we are going to work together to achieve them.
4) Oops! I forgot and made other plans. We get it! No judgement on our end. Resist the urge to ghost your therapist out of embarrassment. We’ve all forgotten plans. Be honest and upfront and email your therapist to let us know what happened. We’ll work together to find a solution.
5) I can’t find a private place to talk. This can be especially tough during the pandemic when we are all at home and relying on online sessions. Whether you live with roommates or family members, it may be tough to carve out some alone time when you can talk to your therapist without having to worry about someone listening in. Some of my clients have brilliant ways of getting around this:
Switch to a phone appointment and go for a walk or drive during your appointment
Sit in your car or turn the bathroom fan on and sit in your bathtub
Need to care for baby? Bring baby to the appointment!
Pick an appointment time when you know everyone will be out of the home
If you can’t guarantee privacy, come up with code words for names and places
Use headphones so those around can only hear one side of the conversation
If you’re able to, have a conversation with those you live with about how to support you while you have your online session.
6) I have to cancel. No problem! Just remember to give your therapist as much advance notice as they have asked. Everyone’s policies vary, so feel free to check in if you’re unsure. Usually 24 hours is enough notice!
Regardless of your reason for cancelling, we at The Growth and Wellness Therapy Centre are here for you! That means we are here to respect your decisions and support you in working through them.
About the Author
Katie Schiralli, MSW RSW, is a Registered Social Worker at the Growth & Wellness Therapy Centre offering distance individual services.