Fear is a regular and common emotion - we might feel it when we have a presentation, when we meet a new person, or when we think we’ve made a mistake. Emotions can be felt in our bodies and influence the way we think and act. We can have positive or negative emotions, but all of them are useful. Emotions can tell us something about ourselves or tell us what to do next. They are here to take care of us!

Get to Know Fear

My Other Names:

Anxious, Nervous, Scared, Worried, Overwhelmed

What I Feel Like:

Heart racing, sweaty palms, heavy chest, quick breathing, shaking or tense muscles.

What My Job is:

To keep you safe from potential or actual threats and dangers.

What I Look Like:

Wide eyes, open mouth, I might look like I’m frozen in one spot!

What I Sound Like:

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” “What if something bad happens and I get hurt?” “I don’t want to do this.”

What Happens When I Take Over:

I prepare your body for either ‘fight,’ ‘flight,’ or ‘freeze.’ These are ways the body can react to thinking we’re in danger. This is helpful for if, for example, you were faced with an angry bear! I can help you decide whether to fight the bear, run away (flight), or play dead (freeze) in front of the bear. I sound the alarm bells in your brain and body to make sure you can keep yourself safe. But in everyday life, where encounters with bears are rare, if I take over all the time you might have trouble with your health, sleep and appetite because you’ll always be on the look out for that bear that isn’t really here. You may find it harder to concentrate, think and socialize with your family and friends.

What to Do With Me:

Draw a picture of what fear looks like. Maybe it looks like this?

Take slow, long breaths. Count to four each time you breathe in and out. This can tell me (fear) that the danger is not real and turn off my alarm system.
Talk to someone you trust about how you feel (parents, friends, teacher, school counsellor). Sometimes talking about your feelings and naming them can make you feel better.
Ask yourself. “Is what I am feeling because of a real danger, or is it because I think there is a danger but I am not sure if it can really hurt me or not?”
Do something relaxing. This will help you and me (fear) calm down.
Draw a picture of what fear looks like - this can help to separate the emotion from the person. (Think of the movie Inside Out!)
Get enough sleep. Sometimes when you do not get enough sleep, your body will trick you into thinking that you need me (fear) to take over.

How to Start a Conversation About Fear:

If you think your child would benefit from talking about their emotions of fear, you can start with letting them know: “Everyone gets scared from time to time, it’s a normal way to feel.” You can then follow up with some prompting questions like: “What do you think is making you scared?” “What are you feeling in your body?” or “Do you feel like you’re in danger from something?” Let your child know you’re here to support them, you aren’t judging them for their emotions, and you want to help.

If you would like support in talking to your child about emotions like fear, our team at The Growth & Wellness Therapy Centre can help. Please contact our intake and administration team to set up a free consultation with one or more of our family or child clinicians.

How to Talk to Kids About Fear