Anger is a regular emotion, one that comes out explosively for some people and slowly builds up and creeps out of us over time for others. Some people get angry because they are scared or don’t know what to do, others experience anger when someone is mean or hurtful to them. Emotions can be felt in our bodies and influence the way we think and act. We can have positive or negative emotions, but all of them are useful. Emotions can tell us something about ourselves or tell us what to do next. They are here to take care of us!

Get to Know Anger

My Other Names:

Mad, Frustrated, Annoyed, Jealous, Furious, Upset, Losing My Temper

What I Feel Like:

Heart racing, pounding in your chest or head, feeling hot like your blood is boiling or there is steam coming out of your ears, heavy breathing, tense muscles, tight jaws, wanting to punch or kick something.

What My Job is:

To tell you when something is not fair and that you need to solve the problem quickly.

What I Look Like:

Clenched teeth, holding a fist, turning red in the face, stomping, yelling, ignoring.

What I Sound Like:

Grunting, yelling or shouting! “I’m so angry!” “I hate you!” “That’s not fair!”

What Happens When I Take Over:

I can take over very quickly, often too quickly. When I am out of control, I may say or do things that you may regret later like slamming the door or saying mean things. I do not mean to hurt others. I just want to help you feel better faster, and help you express your needs.

What to Do With Me:

Recognize me early - the earlier you recognize me, the easier it is to calm me down
Ask for a time out
Pause before you do what I (anger) want you to do, like punch a wall or shout
Walk away
Take some deep breaths to help me calm down
Count to 10 slowly
Express how you feel by using my name - you can say “I feel angry right now and I don’t know what to do!”
When you are more calm, talk to someone you trust (a parent, teacher, or a friend) about what made you angry - it’s important to talk about me instead of hiding me so that I don’t explode one day

How to Start a Conversation About Anger:

If you think your child would benefit from talking about their emotions of anger, you can start with letting them know: “It’s okay to feel angry, and it can help to talk about what makes you angry and how you can feel angry safely.” You can then follow up with some prompting questions like: “What makes you angry?” “What do you feel like you need to do with your body when you’re angry - do you need to scream, or cry, or punch?” and “How can we help you get your anger out in a safe way, so you don’t hurt yourself or others, and so you don’t say anything that you might regret later when you’ve calmed down?” and most importantly “How can I help when you’re angry?” Let your child know you’re here to support them, you aren’t judging them for their emotions, and you want to help.

If you would like support in talking to your child about emotions like anger, our team at The Growth & Wellness Therapy Centre can help. Please contact our intake and administration team to set up a free consultation with one or more of our family or child clinicians.

How to Talk to Kids About Anger